I have decided that the 9th layer of hell should closely resemble the DMV. I spent a very painful 3 hours there today. My license expires soon and I decided that I would be proactive and get it renewed early.
I arrived at the DMV and the parking lot was overflowing. This should have been the first sign to try another day. I circled the lot a few times and finally found a parking spot.
The first step to doing business at the DMV is to wait in line for the information booth (they are the gatekeepers). I had to fill out a renewal form and then wait in line to get assigned a number. There is nothing quite like waiting in line just for the privilege of waiting in yet another line. After an hour in this line I talked to a woman and she assigned me the number G397.
I walked away and looked up at the display board. They were currently helping number G275. This was going to be a long wait. I found an open seat and sat down to take my punishment.
A woman with two young children in tow sat down across from me. One boy was around 2 and the other was in a car seat carrier. The 2 year old quickly proceeded to be a terror and the poor woman did everything she could think of to try to get him under control.
She offered juice.
She gave him a toy to play with.
She threatened.
She cajoled.
Then the little one in the carrier started crying.
Then the little one in the carrier started crying.
She threatened again this time with a pinch.
She threatened to spank him.
She threatened to leave him at the DMV.
Nothing worked. The little terror whined, squirmed, and generally ran amok. I just smiled and pretended not to notice. The numbers went by in bunches and it averaged about a minute or two per number. After 90 minutes of waiting, I finally got called up to talk to someone.
I sat down and did an eye test and answered a few questions. Having satisfied this gatekeeper, I was sent to yet another line to get my new picture taken.
Getting picture taken involves waiting in three lines. Yes, you read that right... three lines. I make it through this and they inform me that my new driver's license will be mailed to me in 7-10 days.
"7-10 days?" I ask. "What do I do in the meantime?" The woman gave me a look like I was the stupidest person to ever walk in the door (I swear this look has to be part of the application process for DMV workers). "We have a provisional license for you to use," She replied.
My provisional license is a sheet of paper. Yes, a sheet of paper. I can't wait to get ID'd and hand over a sheet of paper. All this work so I can wait again to get a license in 7-10 days. What a mess. What kind of DMV doesn't even print its own licenses?
And when it does come, it will look something like this one (but with my picture of course):
It might be the dumbest looking license out of all the states. I cant hardly wait...
